Anger

I’m staring outside at my window, and the sun is shining. It looks to be a good day and possibly warm.

My heart is hurting though. I met a guy, it’s been awhile since I’ve really had feelings for someone. Do you ever believe in love at first sight? I’m not sure why I like him when half the time I feel like he doesn’t really answer my questions. He made me feel warm when I was upset one day even when I never met him in person.  He sang for me and I felt like someone cared. He comforted me when I was hurt.

Time passes and I spent a lot of time supporting and caring. I’ve seen this side of me, the fact that I care so much about an individual but I never got anything back. There was no giving and taking received. Then you wonder why you put so much effort into a relationship that isn’t suppose to grow. You wonder why you want someone in your life when it’s not suppose to be. I didn’t want it to feel the same way as last time.

He finally told me what happened. A guy I met once, a guy I have feelings for. This is where I can’t figure if I hate my personality. You can only support a person with words to a certain extent. I have friends who I will tell them that it’s ok, and then I have those who I tell the blunt truth. Yet what do you do in this case? It brings me back to that time when being nice brought you nothing. I remember specifically hating the idea of being innocent and nice like an angel. This is what I feel though. I asked “God” to watch over him, so did that imply I had to help.

I’m sitting here writing my thoughts and wondering this much.  Am I thinking too much? Maybe. I have an exam I’m suppose to be thinking about.

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