In fairness, I want Rennie happy but for me to hear the words “I love you” again to her with her boyfriend, it hurt. I’m definitely happy for her and I hope it works out. I finally got to meet him this week, and he seems like a great guy. He’s pretty cute and he’s exceptionally well with my parents. I guess you do have to make a first impression. But I’m still not emotionally ready for any of it.
I wonder when my attitude towards relationships will change. Which is why I’m running and running and honestly getting no where. I wrote my last note to the guy I always wanted to be close to and I believe that will be the end. I learned one thing is that when I told myself that I’m unbreakable, I needed to start somewhere. I had to be honest and write which is what I did. I knew I wouldn’t get a favourable response back but I did it regardless.
Now I’m deciding to go away for a long time. But sometimes life just pushes you with something unexpected. For the longest time, I’ve wanted to work in the top advertising agencies in the world. That was my first wish when I landed my first job after graduation and from there I thought that the advertising industry was amazing. So many years, I’ve tried applying and lately in these few months when I decided one thing, these ad agencies come along with so many job postings specifically accounting related. My mind is trying to figure out the opportunity cost of it all.
And now my other parent is back, which makes me want to move out. So exactly what am I suppose to do? Where do I want to go? With this Asian mind set, we fear the unknown. Yet I’m trying to tell myself that I’ve gotten this far, so maybe I should just take a greater leap and see if I dive to something that becomes more favourable in life.